Gory

Piranha 3DD Review

June 24, 2013 by Eric S. Leave a Comment

Synopsis: After the events at Lake Victoria, the pre-historic school of blood-thirsty piranhas make their way into a newly opened waterpark.

My quick review: I’m all in favor of fun brainless movies. And come on, this one has ” The Hoff” in it. But there is a fine line between dumb and dumber.

Piranha 3DD shows us that, when there is little talent behind the camera (John Gulager is no Alexandre Aja) what is left of such a movies is, well, Piranhas and double Ds. Some might argue that this is the only thing that matters but such a poorly acted, poorly plotted and poorly shot movie does not deserve a drunk evening with your friends.

Better catch up the original Piranha 3D from Aja or the “real” original Piranha from Joe Dante.

My Rating: 4/10 (one more point thanks to David Hasselhoff)

Director: John Gulager

Year: 2012

Origin: USA

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Hatchet III Review

June 21, 2013 by Eric S. Leave a Comment

Synopsis (from IMDb): A search and recovery team heads into the haunted swamp to pick up the pieces and Marybeth learns the secret to ending the voodoo curse that has left Victor Crowley haunting and terrorizing Honey Island Swamp for decades.

My Quick Review: I think I’ve had enough Victor Crawley to last me a while. In less than 2 weeks I’ve watched Hatchet (the best of the series), Hatchet II (more of the same but less fun) and now Hatchet III.

The latest installment of Hatchet brings us back in the swamp for one more night of dismemberments but this time, the novelty has worn off and what’s left is a slasher-parody that is a little bit too self indulgent (check Adam Green’s cameo in the cell when the officer is explaining how contrived Beth’s story is).

Back in 2006 Victor Crawley was sold to us as the new icon of American Horror Movies and fans willing to get some new blood (pun intended) to go with their favorites Voorhies, Krueger and Leatherface came through and a new franchise was born.

The problem is that, despite the change in director, there is still no depth in Crawley’s character, the settings/kills/victims are still the same except this time, the editing is jerkier and the cinematography more muddled making the practical gore effects much less impressive.

I’ve said in my previous reviews that the Hatchet movies should be enjoyed with a crowd or a bunch of drunk friends. There is no amount of alcohol that can make Hatchet III more enjoyable.

My Rating: 4/10 (drunk or sober)

Director: BJ McDonnell

Year: 2013

Origin: US

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No One Lives Review

June 19, 2013 by Eric S. Leave a Comment

Synopsis: A gang of ruthless highway killers kidnap a wealthy couple traveling cross country only to shockingly discover that things are not what they seem.

My Short Review: I was looking forward to Ryûhei Kitamura’s (Versus, Midnight Meat Train) new movie despite a slightly underwhelming trailer. Unfortunately, the movie is exactly what the trailer promises, nothing more, nothing less.

My problem with No One Lives is that it tries too hard to be original and badass but it is somewhat unintentionally ridiculous. I’ve just watched the first two Hatchet Movies and those are also extremely over the top slasher but it is obvious that they are meant to be watched with your brain checked at the door.

No One Lives on the other hand tries to look smart but poor acting and a weak script prevents it to be what it wants to be. Maybe a less serious approach ala hatchet would have served the movie better.

On the other hand I have to admit that I did enjoy Luke Evans badasserie and the kills are enjoyable.

Half slasher, half revenge movie, No One Lives is by no means a good movie but it’s not boring and certainly delivers enough thrills to keep you entertained.

My Rating: 5.5/10

Director: Ryûhei Kitamura

Year: 2012

Origin: US

Ginger Snaps Review

June 18, 2013 by Eric S. Leave a Comment

Synopsis: (from IMDB) Two death-obsessed sisters, outcasts in their suburban neighborhood, must deal with the tragic consequences when one of them is bitten by a deadly werewolf

My Quick Review: Ginger Snaps was actually a good surprise. I love the fact that the main characters are young girls when, usually, werewolf movies are all about guys (and the girls are the victims). The movie is a coming-of-age story, an introduction to womanhood and the body transformation of a young teenage girl, werewolf-style!

What makes the story believable is the chemistry between the two main characters and the strong bond they have. While Ginger slowly changes (physically and mentally) her sister has to face her own struggles while helping her to fight the hunger.

One other big difference with other werewolf movies is that the transformation is progressive and reach full werewolf state the night of the full moon rather than happening over a few minutes. Ginger starts to have more body hair, her hunger grows as well as her sexual appetite and her body transforms progressively.

I’d definitively recommend this movie as an interesting alternative to traditional “macho” werewolf movies. The characters are a tad more complex and Ginger Snaps rely on them to build tension and make us sympathize with them.

My Rating: 6/10

Director: John Fawcett

Year: 2000

Origin: Canada

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Hatchet II Review

June 16, 2013 by Eric S. Leave a Comment

Synopsis: Marybeth escapes the clutches of the bayou-butcher Victor Crowley and returns to the swamp with an army of hunters and gunmen, determined to end Crowley’s reign of horror once and for all.

My Quick Review: Victor Crowley is back and the killings are nastier than ever.

The second Hatchet movie starts right where the other one left off with Marybeth barely escaping from the swamp just to go back there and finish the job.

Right away, I was glad to see Tony Todd in a much proheminent role than in the first Hatchet. He’s got such a great presence that everybody around him pales in comparison. With the exception of Crowley of course.

The group of people led to the butchery are even more generic and dull than in Hatchet and, therefore, things get quite uninteresting when Crowley or Reverend Zombie are not on screen.

Of course the killings are still very gruesome and make up for the rest of the story. But I sincerely hope that Hatchet III will bring something new to the table. As it stands, Hatchet II is like a porn movie where you’re waiting for the next sex (here gore) scene and everything else is just boring filler with bad acting.

My Rating: 4/10 (sober), 6/10 (drunk)

Director: Adam Green

Year: 2010

Origin: US

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