Hollywood Horror Movies

A Haunted House Review

April 23, 2013 by Eric S. 1 Comment

Year: 2013

Director: Michael Tiddes

Stars: Marlon Wayans, Essence Atkins

Synopsis: Malcolm’s girlfriend moves into his house but she brought something with her. A ghost who will start to haunt the couple.

My Quick Review: A Haunted House is a horror comedy that mainly spoofs “Paranormal Activity” and other found footage movies such at “The Last Exorcism”, “blair Witch”….

Disclaimer: I’m a big fan of Marlon Wayans and Scary Movie is one of my all-time favorite spoof comedy. So I had high expectations coming into this movie since I’m also a fan of “Paranormal activity” and “found Footage” Horror movies.

So what’s the verdict: Marlon Wayans is a great physical comedian and the movie has some colorful characters who add to the fun factor: a gay psychic, a swinger couple, some gang members with an attitude, an hilarious exorcist…but “A haunted House” relies too much on poop humor and easy laughs that do not elevate the material. They even recycle one of the funniest moment of “Scary Movie” with the ghost smoking some pot. Add to this a very transparent and unfunny lead actress, quite a few boring moments (despite the movie being about 80mn long) and no scares at all, and you end up with a parody that is mildly funny and absolutely not scary.

My Rating: 5/10

The Haunting in Connecticut 2: Ghosts of Georgia Review

April 22, 2013 by Eric S. 1 Comment

Year: 2013

Directed by: Tom Elkins

Starring: Abigail Spencer, Chad Michael Murray, Katee Sackhoff, Emily Alyn Lind, Cicely Tyson

Neoli’s Review: Scary, but with a purpose. This probably best sums ups The Haunting in Connecticut 2: Ghosts of Georgia, the horror film that lists two U.S. states in its title.

In the sequel, Lisa (Abigail Spencer of Cowboys and Aliens and Mad Men), her husband Andy (Chad Michael Murray of One Tree Hill fame), and their little daughter Heidi attempt to start a new life in a rural town in Georgia. Probably not the best move since if you’re running away from ghosts and other apparitions, a historical house in the middle of the woods isn’t likely to help your case. The fright begins when Heidi befriends a bearded old man in a tuxedo, which naturally alarms Lisa since there is no old man to be seen at all. Little girls who can see dead people—yes, it’s been done countless of times before, but fortunately The Haunting in Connecticut 2 has an adorable (and believable) child actress.

Apparently, the house they move into has a tragic past—like all other interesting history-rich houses in the horror films. It once belonged to a stationmaster, a man responsible for hiding and giving refuge to hundreds of African Americans who escaped from slavery in the early 18^th century. But for some reason, the ghosts of that past are restless and crying for justice. Which is convenient since the family who moves in happens to have a mother, a sister, and the little daughter who are each in their own way sensitive to apparitions—it runs in the family. (The dad meanwhile, hunky and muscular as he is, is reduced to a mere extra in the film, whose only important moment includes digging up antique coins in the backyard and crashing his car.)

Horror is beautifully scattered all throughout—in gritty bits and pieces done through artful montage, MTV-style. Classic horror visuals are present in this film and will probably haunt you for a while if let them—an empty swing swinging by itself, worms and insects and sawdust being vomited, ghosts that get near your face, bathtub scenes, etc. Possibly, the only original image in the film was that of Lisa’s sister suspended on the ceiling with taut strings threaded through her mouth, while she’s locked in a near-death trance.

Once we learn that the ghosts haunting them are actually nice, old ghosts (including Lisa’s mother who gives advices all throughout) who are just determined on revenge upon their oppressor, the scare factor slightly dips down. After all, once you have ghosts on your side, what else is there to be scared of? But surprisingly, the directors still have something up their sleeve—something that involves a man in a burlap mask, taxidermy, and stuffed things.

Overall, The Haunting in Connecticut 2 gives an excellent scare while providing a bit of historical lesson that gives that scare a justified reason to exist. Probably the only disappointment in this sequel is that everything works out for the best and ends too happily for all its characters. But hey, not every horror film has to have a fresh body count, right?

Neoli’s Rating: 7/10

The Cabin In The Woods Review

April 20, 2013 by Eric S. Leave a Comment

Year: 2012

Director: Drew Goddard

Rating: 9/10

Neoli’s Review: The Cabin in the Woods is one of those films I actually anticipated watching in the cinema last year. Not because I was a big fan of Joss Whedon (who gave me Buffy the Vampire Slayer during my awkward teenage years), but because I read many glowing movie reviews of it, which can basically be summed up as: The Cabin in the Woods is not your ordinary horror film.

Anything that’s “not your ordinary horror film”, I’m in. So I went to watch it.

And sure enough, it’s that one horror film I wanted all my friends and family to see as well.

It’s hard to write a movie review of The Cabin in the Woods without bringing in the spoilers. But for a review’s sake, let’s just say five college friends go on a vacation in a far-flung cabin in the woods. Typical horror film setup. It even has a cast which pretty much represents everyone we know; the Alpha Male (Chris Hemworth), the Whore (Anna Hutchison), the Geek (Jesse Williams), the Fool (Fran Kranz), and the Virgin (Kristen Connolly). Those characters are not accidental because it’s revealed later on that they’re all part of a larger scene.

Here’s the crazy part. Behind that scene is an anonymous headquarters based somewhere, apparently dedicated to manipulating the horror for their chosen victims. (Kinda like the crew behind the Hunger Games, but with more gore.) Those technicians even bet what monster will befall the five friends, as if it’s all just casual fun. Which it is; they’ve been orchestrating this monster stuff for centuries and with worldwide scope. Anyway, the featured monster for the college buddies are zombies—a whole family of zombies.

Again, no, this isn’t your typical zombie horror film. It gets better, but I’ll stop right here because I swore no spoilers.

Suffice it to say The Cabin in the Woods is the horror film that explores horror in all its many frightening flavors. Which would make it Horror+. Or Horror Overload. Or Horror/Anti-Horror. It doesn’t get too bloody or nauseous like Hollywood’s torture porn (which is exactly what The Cabin… mocks so beautifully. You don’t need torture porn to scare people. Sometimes, all it takes is a creative approach to the horror genre). I hate to say this but this is the horror movie that actually makes its audience think.

There’s irony, parody, self-referencing, philosophical musings, (even the apocalypse), and the best of all—postmodernism. See, it’s a tough feat for a horror film to not take itself seriously and yet still demand that the audience take it seriously. Thankfully, writers Joss Whedon and Drew Goddard know how to elegantly deconstruct it to absurd levels.

The result is this horror slash comedy slash parody film that will forever change the way you think about monsters. And Sigourney Weaver too.

Verdict: Watch it now, stream it to your smartphone or tablet, do whatever it takes to get this film playing right before your eyes.

Neoli’s Rating: 9/10

The Last Exorcism Part II Review

April 18, 2013 by Eric S. Leave a Comment

Year: 2013

Director: Ed Gass-Donnelly

Summary (from IMDb): As Nell Sweetzer tries to build a new life after the events of the first movie, the evil force that once possessed her returns with an even more horrific plan.

Neoli’s Short Review: In a word: NO. The Last Exorcism Part II provides the necessary chills and goose bumps, especially in its first seven minutes or so, but after that it’s all downhill. You’re better off scaring yourself with an inflated balloon painted with a horrific face than watching this watered-down horror film sequel.

Am I being harsh? Maybe yes, maybe no. The thing is, a lot is expected from this sequel, considering the original The Last Exorcism was positively scary two years ago. Filmmakers should already be aware now of the dreaded sophomore jinx, which is all the more reason for them to ramp up the scare factor in The Last Exorcism Part II.

Instead, everything is so-so in this film. Unlike the original film which is done in a found-footage format (just like Blair Witch and Paranormal Activity), The Last Exorcism Part II is in conventional narrative mode—which is fine, but then it does not bother at all to remind the audience (especially first-time viewers) what exactly happened in the first film. The Saw series always treats you to a flashback, but The Last Exorcism Part II seems to expect you’ve already watched the first film, and plunges you right ahead into the story.

In the sequel, the perennially-possessed Nell (played by Ashley Bell) is starting a new life in a halfway house in New Orleans, working as a hotel chambermaid. Exciting stuff.

There’s a Mardi Gras scene which briefly explores the fright inspired by masked, costumed men, but eventually simmers down to a false alarm with a Silver Man. The whole film is like that: relative calm punctuated with jolts and surprises over and over, until it becomes predictable. You almost find yourself saying, oh, it’s been three minutes already, the scare bit is right next.

Not that we want The Last Exorcism Part II to be all hellish scenes from start to finish. It’s just that everything fails to connect here. You find yourself asking, what’s exactly at stake anyway for Nell? In William Friedkin’s The Exorcist (Now, that’s a good horror film), we feel for the little girl Linda Blair because she’s a little girl for chrissake, little girls aren’t supposed to be demonically possessed, and there’s so much future that would have lay ahead of her.

As for Nell, we don’t know why we should care at all. We don’t even feel scared for our own life, or at least for the life of our daughter (if we have one). A good horror film should do that.

Despite this, The Last Exorcism Part II has a few saving graces, specifically in the person of Ashley Bell, who plays the fragile, tortured Nell so convincingly. Plus there’s that creepy, unforgettable scene where she levitates in her sleep after presumably being molested by her demon possessor. Nell’s back is bent and arched to the point of breaking, as if she just overdosed on yoga.

Anyway, Nell is subjected to one final exorcism (the last one, we hope) to horrific results. The filmmaker then decides to end the story by making Nell declare that “Everything is okay now, I know who I am, and what I need to do.” Or something like that.

Verdict: Watch only as a last resort. Or Watch this first, then watch the original film afterwards.

Neoli’s Rating: 5/10

Wrong Turn Review

April 1, 2013 by Eric S. Leave a Comment

Year: 2003

Director: Rob Schmidt

Synopsis (from IMDb): Six people find themselves trapped in the woods of West Virginia, hunted down by “cannibalistic mountain men grossly disfigured through generations of in-breeding.”

My Short Review: This was my second viewing of Wrong Turn and since I had just watched Cabin Fever the day before, it was interesting to see how my perception of both films have changed.

When I first watched cabin fever 10 years ago, I did not like it and did not even finish it. Wrong Turn on the other hand, had left me with quite a good impression. Not such an original movie but efficient in its own way.

But memory can definitively play tricks on you sometimes because I thought there was much more gore, more nudity and more cleavage shots of Eliza Dushku. Boy was I wrong!!

The movie is just another “cabin in the woods” bore with none of the little originality found in Cabin fever. No nudity, gore is quite limited (to the film’s defence, we have seen so much gore in the last 10 years than we have to put things into some perspective here). And the script is just lazy. There was one classic jump scare that worked I have to admit and the make up department did an outstnaing job on the hillbillies but apart from that, and eliza dushku, I can’t really recommend Wrong Turn to current horror movie fans.

My Rating: 4/10